In essence, we are sending the message that avoiding conflict is more important than our needs being met. What does this say in terms of sociocultural modelling for our students (as Vygotsky would suggest)?
As a woman entering a classroom, I often think of how I will manage conflict, confrontation, and power issues. I am not comfortable being in a position of power or control - but I am also fearful of being a "pushover". How can I be an assertive mentor in my classroom whom is clear about my needs and expectations while working to understand and empower my students such that their needs are also met? I believe that understanding and empowerment works to diffuse power struggles because I believe that power struggles occur when people feel disempowered - when they feel the need to gain power back. If we work to understand and empower our students we are working to prevent power struggles and issues of control.
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When I mentioned that I avoid conflict at every opportunity, it speaks to my nature and how uncomfortable "outrages" make me feel. I agree with you that conflict is natural. It is when conflict gets elevated or irrational in nature that I get uncomfortable. I am not sure that this speaks to a gender bias, though? I have know many men who also avoid conflict. It may just be exhibited in different ways.
As a teacher, I think being proactive to avoid unecessary conflicts (because if we didn't we could be in a power struggle every single day) is important to provide a safe and secure learning environment for all. I believe avoiding certain conflicts in some cases works better than giving the attention that the student is seeking. I do not see this as being a pushover. It shows the student that when they are able to approach you in a respectful manner then they will have your attention. That respect goes both ways. The key is to keep communication open, and possibly even attending to the behaviour by having an open discussion with the student after ignoring the initial incident.
I am in a battle for respect from my own children at the moment. I have been trying this method (of ignoring attention seeking behaviour) and believe it or not, it actually works! LOL! I agree wholeheartedly with you, that one needs to understand and empower students to prevent power struggles. My children were wanting my respect, which was probably lacking due to my own personal stresses and I was neglecting their needs. They were being disrespectful to me in order to gain that respect back from me. Seems contradictory, but by me showing them that I would not attend to disrespectful behaviours they are getting the message that I do indeed respect them and what they have to say ... especially when we are able to have a calm, rational, non-heated discussion.
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