"Mis" Behaviour

Misbehaviour is behaviour that proves to be unacceptable. But to whom is it unacceptable? We each come with our own mores, social norms and ideas of what is and may not be acceptable behaviour. Many factors come in to play to make up one’s moral code. Everyone’s experiences make them who they are, and no two people share the exact same experiences. My children have had minor behavioural concerns due to personal strife, and each one of them with their different personality type has reacted differently in similar situations. Sometimes the behaviour will not have manifested until weeks, months or even a year after the fact. But the way in which they react is usually in some fashion designed to gain what they feel they are lacking in their lives; belonging, independence, mastery, generosity (Dr.Martin Brokenleg, Circle of Courage).

I personally have an issue with even the word ‘misbehaviour’ (hence why you will not see me use it in my writing). For me, it has a negative tone. If I say to my children that they are misbehaving then they immediately think they are “bad.” By telling them they are misbehaving I am not telling them what the behaviour is on which I am questioning them. I prefer to tell my children that the behaviour they are displaying is inappropriate. Then I will try to unfold or discover with them what it is that is inappropriate about the behaviour. I like to ask them what a more appropriate response may be, or have them reflect on why they think they are reacting the way they are. In fact, many times they don’t know. As a child I remember very distinctly feeling emotions that I had no idea why I was feeling them. I did not have the tools to be able to reflect on the emotions, my reactions and how they may be connected.

It is extremely important for me as an upcoming teacher to be able to help my students collect the ‘tools’ they need for recognizing behaviours and emotions in themselves. These ‘tools,’ as Lorna mentioned, are behaviour management strategies that help make these connections. We can’t expect our students to sort through their emotions if we don’t provide them with the foundation to do so. As a teacher, I will endeavour to get to know my students well enough to be able to discern from where their behaviours are stemming, try to prevent them from happening and respond in a caring, appropriate manner when there are behaviour issues that may need attention.